The Roar

Check out a short cricket article I wrote published on The Roar.

10 People From Your Past Who Will Haunt You On Facebook

Ok, I was struggling to describe why I am hesitant to sign up on Facebook, then I found this article which says it all for me!

http://www.cracked.com/article_16670_10-people-from-your-past-who-will-haunt-you-on.html

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

The AFL and NRL footy finals is an exciting time of year! But with only one game left for the year it is also very sad. Time to find something different to do from Friday night to Monday night, not to mention all the pre and post game shows from Monday to Thursday. I am already looking forward to next March when it all starts again. The NRL grand final is on Sunday and Australia's Cricket tour of India starts on Thursday the 9th of October, but what am I going for the 5 days in between?

Turning Point

I have realised I have come to a turning point in my life. I now check my email more often than I check my mobile phone. Why? Well, partly because I receive more emails than I do calls and sms combined. But maybe that is because I rarely answer my phone. Maybe it's because I like typing more than talking? Maybe it's a combination of factors. I must have over 100 phone numbers in my phone but really only call about 4 of them. Maybe I should delete the rest. Maybe I need an iPhone so I can check calls and emails at the same time!?

5-0

Last night Collingwood made it 5 straight wins against Sydney. I have had the pleasure of being in attendance on 3 of these occasions, including last night where the Pies won by 29 points in front of 60,000 at the Olympic Stadium in Sydney.
The joy of beating Sydney in front of their own home crowd is enormous!
Sydney are known as the Swans, but to Collingwood supporters they are our Sydney Bunnies!

Desperate and Dateless

Josef Fritzl, currently in an Austrian jail cell, has reportedly been sent hundreds of love letters from female admirers.

Fritzl, who locked his daughter in a cellar for 24 years and fathered seven children with her, has received over 200 letters from lonely women offering him romance, the Daily Mail reported. [Full Story]

Unbelievable! Especially considering the lengths some people go to, to get a date!
Maybe hijosh should lock someone up?

My Debut Album

Create Your Debut Album

1 - Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Random quotations: http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

If you want to do this again, you'll hit refresh to generate new quotes, because clicking the quotes link again will just give you the same quotes over and over.

3 - Go to flickr's "explore the last seven days" http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Put it all together, that's your debut album.

Indian Man Marries Dog

Shortly after the ceremony the man was quoted as saying, "My wife really is a bitch!".

I haven't blogged for a while but this caught my eye. Shouldn't we be encouraging recycling? Keep the planet green people!

Australian Barmaid Fined for Crushing Beer Cans Bare-Breasted

An Australian barmaid at the Premier Hotel in Pinjarra has been fined by police for crushing beer cans with her bare breasts. Also, the barmaid’s off-duty colleague has been fined because she hung spoons on the barmaid’s nipples, and the hotel manager was fined because he didn’t stop them.

Police said that the barmaid, who is 31-years-old, has pleaded guilty to exposing her breasts to patrons at the hotel, which results in a fine of A$1000 ($900). Police said in a statement that the barmaid “is alleged to have also crushed beer cans between her breasts during one of the offenses,” which is a breach of the hotel licensing laws.

The friend who hung spoons on the barmaid’s nipples was fined A$500, and the hotel manager was fined the same as the barmaid, A$1000. David Parkinson, who is the local police superintendent, said, “It sends a clear message to all licensees in Peel that we will not tolerate this type of behavior in our licensed premises.”

Chris Crocker who had an online meltdown watched by 8 million people regarding criticism of Britney Spears is going to get his own TV show! Apparently the reality show will be about his life as a 19 year old gay man living in Tennessee. Even before Chris had the over emotional dummy spit, he was on the radar of TV executives because of his ability to be the "queen of complaint". Is that all it takes to get a tv show these days?? Because even though I am no queen, I can certainly complain!! I may not be a anorexic gay man who wears makeup and cries over Britters, but I can moan and whinge about anything you like! So where are you TV executives??? I am waiting for your call.

RUDD-OUT

A Rudd-Out is kinda like a black-out. It's a new term to use when you would rather not remember what you did. Kevin Rudd, aka K-Rudd, leader of the labor party has admitted to visiting a strip club in NY named Scores. Apparently K-Rudd remembers going in but does not remember any of the events that happened, hence the Rudd-Out.

I think K-Rudd should embrace this potential disaster and turn it into a opportunity. Perhaps his new slogan could be "Rudd supports single mums".

The papers are having a field day with this one! Some of the headlines I have seen include:
Kevin dances with the polls
Rudd Scores!
Rudd has old Scores to settle
The Naked Truth About Rudd

This guy takes "I'm All In" to a new level. Check out the story
Maybe he just thought it was a good way to get her off his hands?
When your kids won't leave home, try to lose them in a poker game! Genius!

Thousands of tourists were hauled off beaches, ferry services were suspended and a Manly school was evacuated - all for what the Mayor of Waverley has dubbed the "tsunami that wasn't".

The warnings came after an earthquake hit the Solomon Islands at 6.40am yesterday, and a decision was made in Melbourne to put Australia's east coast on alert. However the sea level rises recorded along the NSW coast would later measure just 10 centimetres.

Pathetic Australia! Hang your head in shame! Surely we can do better than this!

I predict that if we do get a big tsunami someone will try to surf it. You heard it here first.

Here is what WikiPedia has to say about accents:

Children are able to take on accents at a fast rate; children of traveling families can change their accents within a short period of time. However after maturity the accent we have is fixed and though it may have influences, or grow diluted it usually stays the same regardless of time. Accents can be expected to change until we are in our early twenties.

However, I have a friend in his mid twenties who has developed a cali-forn-i-a accent in a little over 2 months! The funny thing is, when we speak to him on the phone he speaks in his usual Australian accent! Is this really possible? Is he just pulling the wool over our eyes? Has he really become a biaccexual???? (Yes, I do believe I just made up a new word!)

I have been going to the same hair dresser for almost 20 years, since I was a kid in primary school. For some reason I cope a bit of grief about this from my friends....anyway thats another story. Last year a work colleague discovered that he also went to the same hair dresser for his hair cuts. Not that surprising since we live in the same area so I really didn't think it was massive news. He would often ask me when my next appointment was, and then tell me when his next appointment was, it was scintillating conversation. The problems started when this colleague, who is about 20 years older than me, would randomly bring up the fact that we visited the same hair dresser to other people at work. Now I found this a bit embarrassing, but I didn't really care. However my annoyance stepped up a level when after several months this colleague started to get the exact same hair cut as me. He was a hair-cut-copier!
Then when he brought up our shared hair dresser he would kind of point to his hair and my hair, as if to say, "We go to the same hair dresser, can't you tell!?"
In my opinion this was going too far! Something had to be done! So combined with the fear that I had reached the last hair style of my life, I have decided to grow my hair longer. Maybe I will grow a mullet.

Bananas

Since Cyclone Larry hit Queensland bananas have been making the news. The price of the phallic yellow fruit skyrocketed due to a significantly reduced crop. Many news programs reported the price of oil, gold, fuel and bananas on a daily basis! Bananas were even blamed for increasing inflation and interest rates. I must admit, I was very sceptical that the price of bananas should have any effect at all. There are plenty of other fruits to choose from, just eat something else. It's not as if it is absolutely necessary to eat bananas! Just have a rest for a while, eat a paw paw! Pretend bananas don't exist for 12 months. Personally I didn't eat one banana during the banana drama of 2006. I was immune from any price increase, except for the effect other people still buying them at high prices caused. So I have a story to help everyone and the economy if a banana* price crisis ever occurs again. When I was five I loved bananas. I always wanted to eat bananas. I nagged my parents for more and more bananas. My family went on a family holiday to Queensland and due to my love of bananas my mother bought a whole bunch of bananas. I was in banana heaven! I ate banana after banana! I kept asking for another banana and my mother kept giving me another. 15 bananas later I started to slow down. Soon enough it was banana vomit time! I didn't eat another banana for 15 years. Even now, I couldn't eat a whole banana on its own. With enough ice cream or honey it can be done but not without. So... my advice for you all is to act today while bananas are cheap and buy a couple of kilos. Sit down and eat bananas until you vomit. Then when the price of bananas skyrockets you will be unaffected.

*could also apply to any other food

On a side note, this is the 100th post of the Random Ramble! I have reached the ton!

Spittle

I think everyone has experienced that awkward feeling when someone you are talking with lets fly with a tiny drop of spittle, that hits you in the face. I must admit if I am the victim in this situation I usually try to pretend it hasn't happened. This takes incredible will power to resist the urge to wipe the germs from your face for fear of letting the other person know they got you. But do they know anyway? Is it the elephant sitting in the corner of the room that no-one is game to mention?
However when I am the spitter, I usually like to get on the front foot and ask the victim if I got them. This way they can say no, regardless and the elephant is gone!

Today I was the victim, amd damn-it if it wasn't the biggest spittle that I have ever seen! Thats right it was so big I saw it coming! And to make matters worse it hit me in the corner of my mouth, right on my lips! I resisted the urge to immediately wipe it away with my hand, and then I had to remember not to stick my tongue out to get rid of it as I would if it was my own saliva. I felt the huge spittle slowly working its way into my mouth! I had to size up the offender quickly. Did they look... diseased? Could I afford to wait until they left before I wiped it away? Fortunately for me, they left quickly. My lips are sore from all the wiping.
Now, like an amputee with phantom pains, I can still feel the spittle even though it has gone. I am infected, will I ever be the same?

Buckley

Last night I had to buy some dinner at an extremely over priced cafe, where the term cafe can only be applied very loosely. I had to buy it there as there were no other choices and I was too hungry to wait another few hours. There were various sandwiches and salads on offer, but it was dinner which means something hot and something with meat must be consumed. So really the choices were hot chips and a pie, or mexican nachos with chilli con carne. I opted for the nachos and wasn't totally disappointed despite the large price tag.
Anyway, half way through my meal I uncovered that a lone hot chip had made it to my plate. I was confused. How should I feel about this event? Should I be annoyed that a hot chip had interrupted the flow of corn chips? Had I missed out on possible corn chips that could not fit on the plate because of the hot chip? How much room does the rectangular prism of a chip take up compared to the layering of corn chips? Could a hot chip perform the function of a corn chip when scooping up chilli con carne?
Or should I be happy that I had received a hot chip in addition to the corn chips? Could I wipe my plate with the hot chip in a way that the corn chip couldn't? Maybe I had gotten away with sampling a hot chip despite the fact that I hadn't ordered any! Should I be celebrating my good luck!?
Was the hot chip superior to the corn chip or had I been dudded? I'm still not sure.

The Hardest Sudoku Ever!

Well apparently the hardest sudoku ever has been created by Finnish mathmetician Arto Inkala. Maybe if I solve this I will have reached the top of the mountain and be free from my sudoku addiction!

AI Escargot

+-------+-------+-------+
| 1 . . | . . 7 | . 9 . |
| . 3 . | . 2 . | . . 8 |
| . . 9 | 6 . . | 5 . . |
+-------+-------+-------+
| . . 5 | 3 . . | 9 . . |
| . 1 . | . 8 . | . . 2 |
| 6 . . | . . 4 | . . . |
+-------+-------+-------+
| 3 . . | . . . | . 1 . |
| . 4 . | . . . | . . 7 |
| . . 7 | . . . | 3 . . |
+-------+-------+-------+