A family living in Mosman, lost Ruby, an 18-month-old Sydney silky-Australian terrier. They put up notices, contacted search organisations, but had no success. They decided she was dead somewhere. Then the other night, the phone rang - a Strathfield animal hospital was calling. A terrier had been found in a nearby garden, and its microchip showed it was Ruby. She had obviously been looked after, but must have been "on the road", as she needed a bath and some vet care. A pity she couldn't tell the her family where she had been . . . for the past three years!

That reminds me of that movie 'Henry' starring Harrison Ford where he gets amnesia and doesn't remember his family. Actually it's more like that movie called 'Cast Away' with Tom Hanks where he returns after years of being lost at sea and everyone has moved on with their life believing he was dead.

Are you really the winner if you fail to survive?

Russian dies after winning vodka-drinking contest
November 20, 2003

A vodka-drinking competition in a southern Russian town ended in tragedy with the winner dead and several runners-up in intensive care.

"The competition lasted 30, perhaps 40 minutes and the winner downed three half-litre bottles. He was taken home by taxi but died within 20 minutes," said Roman Popov, a prosecutor pursuing the case in the town of Volgodonsk.

"Five contestants ended up in intensive care. Those not in hospital turned up the next day, ostensibly for another drink."

Mr Popov said the director of the shop organising this month's contest had been charged with manslaughter. He had offered 10 litres of vodka to the competitor drinking the most in the shortest time.

When I was about 15 my family went on a holiday to Hong Kong among other places. I was on a packed train by myself going somewhere that I now can’t remember due to the scarring experience I am about to share with you. I was sitting down on one of those seats where you have your back to the window. There was an identical seat opposite me which gave plenty of room for people to stand in the middle of the carriage holding onto to those support straps which hang from the ceiling, which seems to be the favoured method over there. Anyway, opposite me sat a rather big Asian man with glasses who was wearing a nice grey suit. He was probably in his 40s and had grey flecks in his dark hair which added to his generally distinguished appearance. Between a gap of the people standing between us we could see each other. As the train began moving I noticed that this guy was staring at me. I was the only non-Asian person on the train and so I thought he was trying to work out where I was from. As I was staring back at him something very strange happened. He started to pick his nose, and I’m not talking about some little scratch of the outer nostril occasionally dipping into the inner sanctum. This guy was in up to his elbow, turning his head side to side as he went, which I can only presume was for greater leverage and accessibility. Occasionally he would examine his finger and wipe the fruits of his labour on his suit pants. What made it even weirder was that he continued to maintain eye contact with me for the entire time he did it! Breaking eye contact I looked around the carriage to see if anyone else noticed the animal like performance I was witnessing. No-one else seemed to care. The people sitting next to him must have seen it but no disgust seemed to register on their face. After several minutes of this guy digging away I began to wonder, how much snot can one person have up their nose, and why wait for the most crowded public moment to get rid of it? Anyway I learnt that day that it is quite intimidating to have someone look you in the eye and pick their nose at the same time.

http://www.theonion.com/3944/news3.html

I wonder if he ever considered just taking it down, or not writing anything else.

I'll stick with anonymity.

I have to admit if its reality T.V, I probably watch it. Big Brother, The Amazing Race, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Survivor, Australian Idol, The Mole, The Osbournes, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, For Love or Money, Joe Millionaire or Temptation Island (I like it the least), I watch them all!

They appeal to me because they are unscripted but more importantly, you often get people on the show who really have no concept of how others, including the public, will perceive them. This leads to many amusing moments where the self view of the contestant clashes with how the rest of the contestants see them. That defining moment where the realise they are not who they thought they were is priceless! The cringe factor is high and I love it.
Take Osten from Survivor for example. You can tell he thinks he is “the man”, he looks like he lifts weights for hours everyday but yet he is the biggest nancy boy I have ever seen. He whinges like an 8-year-old girl! He is a massively built man but so often fails, usually because he has zero will power.
Or take Carlo from the most recent series of Australian Big Brother, a man who decided to crouch in a kitchen sink to wash his genitals with the same implements used to wash dinner plates, but still thinks he is every woman’s fantasy. In case you read this Carlo, you are not normal, … not at all.

My most recent Reality TV obsession is Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I love it for the same reasons. Some poor sap is confronted with his general lack of style, hygiene and fashion of which he was previously unaware. My favourite moment would have to be the guy who was confronted with his bathtub which was covered with dirt and filth. When asked “Why?”, he responds with “But that’s where the dirt goes!”. I bet he was thinking to himself, “Every man keeps a store of dirt and filth don’t they?”

I’d like to point out the Australian way of developing nicknames for people. There are always exceptions to the rule but the following keeps to a system evolved over many decades.

• If your surname is prefixed by Mc or Mac, for example McMurtrie or MacDonald, then your nickname shall be ‘macca’.
  
• It is always acceptable to add on an “o” or a “y” to someone’s name or a shortened version of their name. E.g Smith becomes Smithy and Dave becomes Davo. Most nicknames are of this nature.
  
• If the second letter of your first name is an “a” then the first two letters can be followed by “zza”. For example Karen becomes Kazza and Barry becomes Bazza.
  
• And finally, if you have red hair your nickname shall be ‘bluey’.
  

The great thing is these rules can be applied to everyone. However, some people do have nicknames because of memorable events that they have been involved in or particular physical attributes they possess. I have a friend who we call VB. Not because he drinks a lot of beer but because his extensive body hair reminds us of Velcro, hence “Velcro Boy”.

Everyone has experienced that moment in life where you realise you taped over something you shouldn’t have.

A friend of mine accidentally taped a TV special on Eminem over part of his wedding. Somehow he managed to convince his wife that it was her fault as she shouldn’t have left the tape in the VCR. Now when they relive those happy memories the cutting of the cake is interrupted by “two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside”.

Second Hand Invitations

The Second Hand Invitations (SHI) is when someone who has received an invitation to a gathering/party/event then decides to invite others even though they are not the host. Thus the invitation is a SHI or, an invitation by proxy.

Personally I never attend anything on a second hand invitation. You are always left with that lingering doubt that the host probably thinks you’re an absolute tool for turning up uninvited. The SHI giver will always try to convince you that the host really wants you to come, but whether they really do or not is another matter. When you receive a SHI it can be quite a catch-22. If you do go you feel uninvited, and if you don’t you feel like you have turned down an invitation and must therefore come up with a plausible excuse in case the host asks you why you weren’t there.

I never give a SHI and I certainly don’t attend anything on a SHI and when I am the host I always think people who have turned up on a SHI are more than slightly peculiar. As for THI (third hand invitation) don’t even get me started!

The Sound of Music? What the....?
I think someone must have said to Guy, "I dare you to sing something from the Sound of Music!". Somehow he made it sound good.
It's still not the same without Paulini.

I was wrecked last night and ended up falling asleep on the couch. I woke up to see Hannibal the Cannibal taking the scalp off Ray Liota’s head so that he could eat his brain while Ray sat there full conscious but completely souped up on morphine. Ray’s acting was superb, never before have I seen a person with half their skull removed deliver a performance with so much integrity and passion. Top work Ray!
I then flicked over to ESPN to see the new look Lakers in their first game of the season. I could hardly believe my eyes seeing the Mail Man run the floor in the Lakers uniform. The guy is 40 years old! Yet, he still looks like a supreme athlete. For years I have been calling for Malone Vs Tyson or perhaps Malone Vs Hollyfield to go 12 rounds! Don’t tell me that wouldn’t bring in the $$$ on pay per view! The Lakers are literally a billion dollar team, with Shaq, Malone, Payton and Bryant they are going to be hard to beat. Throw in Fisher, Fox, Russell and Grant and you’ve bought yourself a championship!

Delta is the new ONJ*!
When so many young female stars are more and more eager to show some skin rather than develop some talent (Holly Valance take note) Delta Goodrem stands out as a true performer with more than just a touch of class. I’m not a huge fan of her music but you have to respect the way she goes about it. She reminds me so much of the great one, ONJ. Both ladies have always sold themselves on talent, they both have a sweet and innocent image, they have both incorporated acting and singing into their careers, they have both had cancer and they even sound similar!

All Delta needs to do now is to be in a hit musical movie starring herself and John Travolta! I can picture it now. Grease 3! After Sandy is killed in a horrible pigeon attack, her best friend, Mandy (played by Delta Goodrem) comes to Rydell High to attend the funeral. A slightly older looking Danny Zuko (still played by John Travolta) falls for Mandy which creates conflict with the T-birds who are still trying to work out why “Grease is the word”. You heard it here first.

* If you didn’t know ONJ refers to Olivia Newton-John be ashamed.

Paulini, we will miss you.

I believe that in every persons life there is a time when they decide that the hairstyle they have now, is the one they will always have. No longer will they follow the trends and fashions of society. They have grown comfortable with their look and that is it, forever. They are taking that haircut to the grave!

When I see people in public that have obviously reached that time in their lives I like to approach them and have a guess at the year they decided to call it quits. 1985? 1963? 1972?

Many men are forced by nature to choose a different hairstyle at some point in their life. It is hard to maintain a fashionable 80’s flat top when you have nothing on top. (However, I have seen some good balding mullets.) As a result, it is often the women whose hairstyles of long gone decades stand out, the 60’s beehive, the 70s “Farah Fawcett” wave and the 80s perm.

I often ask myself the question, "When will I reach that moment in my life?" Have I reached it already? Currently the messy mop of hair over the ears that was fashionable in the late 60s is back in style and I just can’t bring myself to do it. I always laughed at old cogers who had reached their defining hair moment in that period and always had hair layered over their ears. Cricketer Richie Benaud for example, no one has seen Richie’s ears since 1955! Other offenders that come to mind are reporters Mike Gibson and George Negus.

So perhaps I have already had my last change? Or maybe I’ll just wait until the next new trend, I’m sure I’ll like that better, or maybe the one after that…or the one after that…