George Carlin's Views on Aging
Do you realise that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five!
That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could
be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21.
YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling.
What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.
Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 . . and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.
And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

Australian guide in court over German tourist's crocodile death

SYDNEY - An Australian tour guide Monday admitted there were crocodiles in a Kakadu National Park creek where he took a 23-year-old German tourist swimming two years ago.

Isabel von Jordon was killed by a 4.6-metre crocodile during the midnight swim led by Glenn Robless in October 2002.

To me this story defies logic!

This is how the trial should have played out:

Lawyer: My client’s daughter Isabel von Jordan, was taken by a crocodile while she was swimming in a water hole.

Judge: And where was this water hole located?

Lawyer: Ummmm… Kakadu National Park

Judge: Did you say Kakadu National Park?

Lawyer: Yes

Judge: Well its hardly surprising she got eaten by a great big crocodile is it!!!


I don’t care if she was a German tourist. Would you go swimming in any water hole in the whole of the Northern Territory let alone Kakadu National Park? Anyone who tried to get me in that water hole would be more unpopular than a red headed step-son!