Josh Pyke - Middle of the Hill

This song by Josh Pyke is the best thing I've heard for ages, resonates with my own childhood somehow. Instantly one of my favourite songs ever. You can download it here.

Lyrics

When I was a kid I grew up in a house on a hill, not the top, not the bottom but the middle.
And I still remember where I cracked my head, in the vacant lot, there's a row of tiny houses there now.
And we used to light fires in the gutters,
and I could cool my head on the concrete steps.

But the girl down the street hit my sister on the head with a stick
and we hid behind my father as he knocked on her parents’ door, to tell them what she did,
but the parents were drunk so they really didn't give a shit.

And the girl down the street said her dog couldn't bark,
because a man with an axe cut its voice box out.
But my older sister told me that it probably wasn't true,
and I believed what she said because she took me by the hand one time,
when a couple of men drove down the hill in a white van said there was a phone box filled,
with money 'round the corner, and I would've gone along,
but she took me by the hand to the house in the middle of the hill.

And our Mother knew the words to a lot of different songs,
and we'd always sing the harmonies when we'd sing along,
she had cool cool hands when the fever hit,
and then the noises that the trains made sounded like people in my head,
and the stories that the ceiling told,
through the pictures in the grains on the pinewood boards,
and I could stay outside till the sky went red,
and I could cool my head on the concrete steps.

And you can never really see the top from the bottom.
I don't pay enough attention to the good things when I've got them.
I don't pay enough attention to the good things when I've got them.
I don't pay enough attention to the good things when I've got them.
I don't pay enough attention to the good things when I've got them.
I don't pay enough attention to the good things when I've got them.
No.

Some truth about gangs in Sydney.

http://www.quadrant.org.au/php/archive_details_list.php?article_id=581

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2005/12/21/1135032077070.html

Harry! You little Pervert!

The last decade has seen a rise in occultist sympathy due to the popularity of the Harry Potter series. There are numerous people to blame for this travesty of irresponsibility and idiocy, but we must hold the thousands of neglectful parents mostly accountable. Not to mention the author, J.K. Rowling. What in the devil's name did she think she was accomplishing when she researched the devil's work and made it appealing to children?

When you allow a child to partake in the sick, filthy, disgusting Harry Potter phenomenon, you are essentially encouraging the child to rape, murder, and pillage in this uncertain world. How can we sip our lemonade and grin at our children as they blindly follow a new, perverted culture of evil?

I am fearful of the outcomes of the Harry Potter books. Increases in masterbation due to the "sexual tension" in the books, instilled beliefs that warlocks and witches can be anything other than evil, terrorism as a result of the insanity that comes out of the books and murderous rages.

We can not know how many children will be corrupted until all is told. I suggest that we crowd into the streets and burn Harry Potter books and other paraphenalia, peacefully demonstrate outside the theatres, write to your political leaders letters as I have! Do it before it is too late! J.K. Rowling should be thrown in literary prison alongside other pop-culture perverts!

Bec and Lleyton Hewitt have welcomed the birth of their first child, a girl.

"Lleyton and Bec Hewitt are pleased to announce the overnight arrival of their first child, a healthy baby girl," publicist Rob Aivatoglou said today.

Insiders say the baby girl will be named Lleyton Hewitt II. Lleyton Snr is reported to have said "It seemed cruel not to pass on such a great name to my child. Being named after an iconic Australian legend is an honour I wanted to give to Lleyton Jnr."

"We look forward to having a large family when Lleyton III, IV, V come along. Who knows we may even go for Lleyton VI!", said a proud father.

The SMH has reported that "John Howard sparks outrage over his intention to go to a cricket match on the day of Nguyen Tuong Van's execution."

Bloody Hell! Why shouldn't the PM go the cricket!! Bloody bloody hell!!

I am completely outraged by the retards in the media and those who seem to want to blame the PM for this!!! They want to use a young mans tragic death to score cheap political points for their own agenda.

Newsflash: Howard has clearly stated that he is against the death penalty!!

Newsflash: Howard has personally spoken with Singapores PM to argue the case for Van Nguyen.

Newsflash: There are many things which happen each day that are about a million times worse than this execution! WorldVision reports that Over ten million children every year (a staggering 30,000 children a day) will die of causes that are either preventable or can be easily cured.


Like John Howard I completely disagree with the death penalty, but there are far worse things that happen every day and yet we can forget about all of them and focus on one convicted drug smuggler who should have known better.

My blood boils with the suggestion that John Howard should not go to the cricket on Friday. Did John Howard decide the date the execution?? No! Did John Howard decide the date for the cricket?? No!

Bloody Hell!

I dont want the Random Ramble to be political but I needed to get that off my chest!

Kate wins Australian Idol

From SMH
Kate, 19, has been remade throughout the competition and transformed from a dag in tracksuit pants and footy jumpers ("I am what I am and stuff you if you don't like it!") to what the show judges have dubbed a "female John Farnham".

We here at Random Ramble have been comparing Kate to John Farnham for weeks. (If only I have had written it down damn it!!)

It's hard to pinpoint what it is that reminds me of Farnsy, i think it has something to do with her facial expressions and blonde mullet.

Australia beat Uruguay!!!

Excitement! Elation! Euphoria! Rapture! Jubilation!

It is great to be Australian!!!

Finally Australia wins the Soccer World Cup!!!

Hang on.... what the..... apparently Australia hasn't won the world cup, we only qualified for the world cup???

Can anyone imagine England or Germany getting so excited about just qualifying?? For a nation with such a proud sporting history such as ours should we really be so happy with just qualifying??

Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to see the Aussies in the world cup, it has never happened before in my life time. But, we seem to be loving ourselves a little too much at the moment which is very un-Australian indeed!

Lolly Jar Etiquette

At the moment I am doing some extra work at nights for a group I can't name but lets just say that they are sometimes referred to as being "bored of studies" in a part of Australia that is sometimes compared to the south of Wales. Anyway... it is tradition at these sessions that a lolly jar is passed around each group and that each member of the group contribute at some stage. Snakes, jelly beans, minties, whatever, you get the idea. However over the years I have come across some people who break lolly jar etiquette! And there happens to be two such people in my group this year!
Offender Number 1: Lets call him Selfish Overcomb Guy (SOG). So whenever SOG gets the lolly jar passed to his table he firstly pretends that he doesn't know its there. However, every so often he eats a lolly. Now this would be ok if only done for 10 or 20 minutes, but SOG had the lolly jar on his table for 1 and 1/2 hours helping himself every 5 minutes of so!!! People started getting up and going over to his table just to get a lolly, but he still didn't catch on!! Eventually i got up to get a lolly and said to him "how about I pass these around?" to which he replied, "yes well, they aren't mine anyway." It was all I could do to not point out the irony.
Offender Number 2: Lets call her "Heart of Ice" (HOI). Anway I first met HOI last year and she hasn't changed. She also is a serial non-passer of the lolly jar, but unlike SOG she never eats a lolly. However she does act extremely annoyed whenever the jar comes her way. I dont just mean slightly annoyed I'm talking someone just ran over her foot with a 4WD annoyed! She gives a look as if to say, "Do I really need to go to the effort of passing this thing on again." Is it really that hard HOI?? No, no it isn't. Look I'm not expecting HOI to drop everything to pass on the lolly jar, but maybe after its been on her desk for 20 or 30 minutes it wouldn't be too much effort!?

I'm addicted to the Numbers

Sudoku is taking me over! Why is Sudoku so much fun? I really don't know, but it is. I have also found there is a whole Sudoku community out there and books about Sudoku techniques! I have only just begun.

The Daily Sudoku
Sudoku.com

A US man is suing his ex-girlfriend in for more than $40,600 for supergluing his genitals to his abdomen.

Kenneth Slaby of Greensburg, Pennsylvania, broke up with Gail O'Toole in 1999, after dating for 10 months.

Slaby then began dating someone else but, according to the lawsuit, O'Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep.

When he woke up, Slaby found that O'Toole had glued his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish.

Those crazy yanks! How did Slaby take a leak? From now on applying glue to someones genitals should be known as "O'Tooling a Slaby".

Lane Cove is a Hole

Well we all knew Mt. Druit is a hole but apparently Lane Cove is as well! Well... it at least has a hole! I think we should update the old saying "safe as houses" to become "safe as houses that aren't built over the lane cove tunnel!"

Photos

Yet another American Pie movie returned to Australian screens this week. But it will not be in the theatres. Unlike the three earlier pieces of Pie, the fourth slice in the series, American Pie Presents Band Camp, will go straight to DVD. You might have thought the original American Pie was bad. If you did, you probably thought American Pie 2 was even worse, not to mention American Pie 3! But just take a moment to consider how bad American Pie 4 is if it's going straight to DVD!! How many ways can one kid have sex with an apple pie?

The following is an extract from Saddam Husseins first day in court.

Judge: Mr Saddam, we ask you to write down your identity, your name, occupation and address and then we will allow you to talk. Now it is time to write down your identity.

Saddam: I was not about to say much.

Judge: We want your identity, your name, then we will listen to what you have. We are writing down the identities at this time. We will hear you when we need to listen to you.

Saddam: First of all, who are you and what are you?

Judge: The Iraqi Criminal Court.

Saddam: All of you are judges?

Judge: We don't have time to get into details. You can write down what you like.

Saddam: I have been here in this military building since 2:30, and then from nine I have been wearing this suit. They have asked me to take it off and then put it on again many times.

Judge: Who are you? What is your identity? Why don't you take a seat and let the others say their names and we will get back to you.

Saddam: You know me. You are an Iraqi and you know who I am. And you know I don't get tired.

Judge: These are formalities and we need to hear it from you.

Saddam: They have prevented me from getting a pen and a paper because paper, it seems, is frightening these days. I don't hold any grudges against any of you. But upholding what is right and respecting the great Iraqi people who chose me, I won't answer to this court, with all due respect to the individuals involved in it, and I reserve my constitutional rights as the president of Iraq. You know me.

Judge: These are the procedures. A judge cannot rely on personal knowledge.


I found this hilarious! Is it wrong to start liking Saddam? I always knew Saddam was a feel my weight kinda guy but he took it to a new level. I look forward to Saddam arguing that a rock-off should be used to decide which judges should stay or go.

James Blunt is a Stalker

I have included the lyrics to this song by UK artist James Blunt. Have a read, well at least the bits in bold.

James Blunt - You're Beautiful Lyrics

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
F**king high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Lets just break down the facts about this song.
1. James Blunt is on a train and sees a girl.
2. He thinks she is an Angel.
3. Girl is with another man, but James doesn't care because he "has a plan."
4. James is high, and thinks the girl catches his eye.
5. James concludes they have shared a moment.
6. James think a different angel desires for him to be with the girl.

I can only conclude that James Blunt is a homeless mental patient stalker. Why is this song even allowed to be played on radio. Does anyone else get the impression Jame's plan will involve following the girl home from the subway, opening her mail to find out personal details, taking photos with a telephoto lens and ringing her at 3am? This song could become the theme song for all stalker around the world. Someone should be locking James Blunt up and throwing away the key!
Have you ever been riding the bus or the train and you see some creepy guy with a weird look on his face just staring at you?? Chance are it was James Blunt! This is one of the many reasons I don't use public transport.

Today AFL chief Andrew Demetriou declared that one premiership for the Sydney Swans would not be enough to crack die hard rugby league and union supporters. He stated "The AFL would take great delight in seeing the Swans achieve a dynasty of success with 3,4 or more consecutive premierships in much the same way as the Brisbane Lions." Demetriou went on to explain plans to ensure the Swans were able to repeat their achievements in the coming years. The Sydney Swans along with Brisbane Lions already have the benefit of a larger salary cap to entice players to the Harbour City but under a new ruling the Swans will have an extra $100,000 to spend each year for the next 3 seasons. Demetriou explained that "we know players find it frustrating playing for a team where only a handful of supporters understand the rules, be we hope the extra cash will outweigh the annoyance they feel." The AFL will also print a basic set of rules to be handed out at Swans games to help those supporters new to the game. The rules cover such topics as "Why Umpires can't give every free kick to Sydney" and "Why the other team might win". The AFL also announced video segments to be shown at half time to demonstrate the finer points of AFL including tactics and strategies. The AFL was rather tight lipped about the content but did give a sneak peek at the first episode which covered why the team can't always kick it to Bazza or Goodesy.
In a related topic Swans supporters will also be encouraged to remove the price tags from their supporter apparel before the 2006 season. Demetriou expressed his desire for bandwagon supporters to not look like d*%@heads.

It's All In The Name

Need a vasectomy? Dr. Richard Chopp is your man!

Something has been missing from my life for too long. It nearly became a distant memory. Bloody hell it feels good to hate the poms again. For so long they haven't been worth hating. We have moonlighted hating the Indians and the West Indies but it isn't the same. Nothing is better than beating the English on an Ashes tour. Getting up in the middle of a winter night to see Australia giving those stinking poms a bashing has brought balance to my life. It feels so right. I was in London in 2001 to see Australia beat England at Lords. It was good, I was happy, but something was missing. It wasn't quite taking candy from a baby, but it was close. Now that the Poms have been winning a few games and developing some backbone they think they can win, and that just makes them so much more fun to hate!

Secrets

What is the nature of a secret? Something secret is only secret because someone else doesn't know about it. For example, what I ate for breakfast is a secret that not one other person on this earth knows. If I die right now, no-one would ever know, and it would be a secret forever. However, this does not mean that what I ate for breakfast is important. In fact, my breakfast menu is so inconsequential that I would not bother to tell you. You wouldn't care, and I don't care that you don't care, so everyone is happy. Right? No, wrong! I have recently discovered that some people expect to know these details!

But to those who must know everything no matter how unimportant I leave you with the following wise words by Henry Ward Beecher, "To know that one has a secret is to know half the secret itself."

Tom Cruise Has Lost It

Could Tom be anymore of a fruitloop? Ok, so he has the hots for Katie Holmes, but he isn't exactly Robinson Crusoe on that front. Sure they have a big difference in age, but lets just be glad that Katie is a regular woman and that Tom isn't in love with a farmyard animal. What is far more concerning to me is Tom's increasing devotion to the Church of Scientology! They believe that the head of the Galactic Confederation (76 planets founded 95 million years ago) solved overpopulation by mass implanting of aliens into humans bodies. So before we are too hard on Tom we should remember that his body is inhabited by the wandering souls of fried space aliens, and that can't be easy for anyone!

New Zealand's Russell Crowe

"I'm extremely sorry for this whole incident and I regret everything that took place," the New Zealand-born actor told Letterman. "The bottom line is I did something pretty stupid.

Have you noticed that the Australian media have started referring to Russell Crowe as "a New Zealand born actor"? And we all know it was the Random Ramble that started this campaign!

I was buying some groceries yesterday at my local supermarket. The queue was long and I waited patiently. When I got to the front of the queue the lady scanned my goods. I got my credit card out ready to pay. Normally the check-out-chick would ask by what method I would like to pay, i.e eftpos, credit, cash. This lady just looked at me so eventually i politely said "credit thanks".
She replied in a dreary drug induced coma kinda way, "Yeah, I kinda guessed that when you got your credit card out".
I felt like saying to her "Look, you're a 30 year old check-out-chick with a hairy chin, how I am supposed to know that you are smart enough to work these things out, I don't even know if you are able to put your own pants on in the morning! Tell me, who puts your pants on!!??."
But I didn't, I said "...ok then". Damn I wish I wasn't so polite!

My random ramble for today regards a long term problem that this great Australian Country has. As a nation we claim anyone who is willing to call Australia home (and some that aren’t) as long as they are successful. I plan to lead a campaign to stop this embarrassing and unnecessary stupidity!

Example 1: Russell Crowe is NOT AUSTRALIAN


People like to think Russell is Australian, Russell likes to think Russell is Australian, but the fact remains Russell is a ‘sweet as’ New Zealand bro!
I heard an interview with Russell and some NZ radio DJs and they were quizzing him on which country he most identified with. Through the interview Russell preached his Aussie-ness, but the last question cracked him which was, “Who do you support the Wallabies or The All Blacks?” Of course Russell said The All Blacks, and no man who supports the All Blacks can be an Australian! I rest my case.

This is one of the funniest things I have seen for ages!

Baby Got Book!

Lyrics

I like big Bibles and I can not lie
You Christian brothers can’t deny
That when a girl walks in with KJV
And a bookmark in Proverbs
You get stoked
Got her name engraved
So you know this girl is saved
It looks like one of those large ones
With plenty of space in the margins.
Oh baby I wanna read with ya
Cause your Bible’s got pictures
My minister tried to console me
But that book you got
Makes me so HOLY
Oh mama-mia you say you want koinonia
Well bless me, bless me and
Teach me about John Wessley

I saw her praying,
While I was DJ-ing
She got grace, pretty face, she ain’t going down to the bad place

I’m tired of heathen guys
Saying they like pocket size
As the average Christian I take a look
She gotta pack much book

So fellas? Yeah Fellas? Yeah Has your girlfriend got the book? oh Yeah
Well read it, (read it), read it, (read it) read that Holy Book
Baby Got Book

Baby Got Book
NIV with the ribbon bookmark


I like ‘em leather and bound
It’s 50 pounds
I just can’t understand
How it is some weenie wants Bible on CD
She want to get you saved- AMEN! Double up AMEN
I ain’t talking about a paraphrase
Cause Paul won’t use those any ways
I like ‘em real thick and red lettered
You can’t find nothing better
Southpaws in love
Bibles that big are unheard of
So I’m sitting here thinking what if?
I find me a girl that shows mid-drift
You can have those bimbos
I keep those chicks that do devos

A word to the Christian sisters
I can’t resist yah
I do God’s time with yah
But I gotta be straight when I say I want to pray
Till the break of day
Baby got it going on
Like the wife in Proverbs 31
We just might get engaged
When we finish reading this page
Cause it’s worn and it’s torn
And I know that girls reborn

So ladies? (Yeah) Ladies? (Yeah)
Do you want to save people from Hades? (Yeah)
Then read it till the pages fall out
Even white preachers gotta shout
Baby got book

Thompson Chain with the big red letters
Thompson Chain with the big red letters
Baby got book

YEAH baby
When it comes to a good book
Stephen King’s resume just can’t compare
39 plus 27 equals 66 books
And if you’re Catholic there’s even more
So your girlfriend’s quotes real high role
But does she got a big Bible
Cause that little thing she’s got won’t start a revival
My Bible study don’t want none unless you got book hon

You can read Clancy or Grisham but please don’t loose this book
Some brothers want to play that hard role
And tell you that books too old
So they toss it and they burn it
But I pull up quick to just learn it
So your girl likes paperback
Well I ain’t down with that
Cause my girlfriend’s hot and her Bible’s rockin’
And she’s got good doctrine
To the atheist chicks who try to diss
You ain’t it miss priss
Give me a Christian I’m insisting
And I’ll greet her with some holy kissin’

Some pervert try to chase
But he didn’t make it past first base
She’s quick to resist temptation
And she loves the new translation

So ladies who are lost and found
If you want the triple 6 thrown down
Dial 1-800- READS A LOT and teach me about those Psalms

NIV with the ribbon bookmark
Baby got book
Thompson Chain with the big red letters

Bible college knowledge but she still got book (4 x)