Tom Cruise Has Lost It

Could Tom be anymore of a fruitloop? Ok, so he has the hots for Katie Holmes, but he isn't exactly Robinson Crusoe on that front. Sure they have a big difference in age, but lets just be glad that Katie is a regular woman and that Tom isn't in love with a farmyard animal. What is far more concerning to me is Tom's increasing devotion to the Church of Scientology! They believe that the head of the Galactic Confederation (76 planets founded 95 million years ago) solved overpopulation by mass implanting of aliens into humans bodies. So before we are too hard on Tom we should remember that his body is inhabited by the wandering souls of fried space aliens, and that can't be easy for anyone!

New Zealand's Russell Crowe

"I'm extremely sorry for this whole incident and I regret everything that took place," the New Zealand-born actor told Letterman. "The bottom line is I did something pretty stupid.

Have you noticed that the Australian media have started referring to Russell Crowe as "a New Zealand born actor"? And we all know it was the Random Ramble that started this campaign!

I was buying some groceries yesterday at my local supermarket. The queue was long and I waited patiently. When I got to the front of the queue the lady scanned my goods. I got my credit card out ready to pay. Normally the check-out-chick would ask by what method I would like to pay, i.e eftpos, credit, cash. This lady just looked at me so eventually i politely said "credit thanks".
She replied in a dreary drug induced coma kinda way, "Yeah, I kinda guessed that when you got your credit card out".
I felt like saying to her "Look, you're a 30 year old check-out-chick with a hairy chin, how I am supposed to know that you are smart enough to work these things out, I don't even know if you are able to put your own pants on in the morning! Tell me, who puts your pants on!!??."
But I didn't, I said "...ok then". Damn I wish I wasn't so polite!

My random ramble for today regards a long term problem that this great Australian Country has. As a nation we claim anyone who is willing to call Australia home (and some that aren’t) as long as they are successful. I plan to lead a campaign to stop this embarrassing and unnecessary stupidity!

Example 1: Russell Crowe is NOT AUSTRALIAN


People like to think Russell is Australian, Russell likes to think Russell is Australian, but the fact remains Russell is a ‘sweet as’ New Zealand bro!
I heard an interview with Russell and some NZ radio DJs and they were quizzing him on which country he most identified with. Through the interview Russell preached his Aussie-ness, but the last question cracked him which was, “Who do you support the Wallabies or The All Blacks?” Of course Russell said The All Blacks, and no man who supports the All Blacks can be an Australian! I rest my case.

This is one of the funniest things I have seen for ages!

Baby Got Book!

Lyrics

I like big Bibles and I can not lie
You Christian brothers can’t deny
That when a girl walks in with KJV
And a bookmark in Proverbs
You get stoked
Got her name engraved
So you know this girl is saved
It looks like one of those large ones
With plenty of space in the margins.
Oh baby I wanna read with ya
Cause your Bible’s got pictures
My minister tried to console me
But that book you got
Makes me so HOLY
Oh mama-mia you say you want koinonia
Well bless me, bless me and
Teach me about John Wessley

I saw her praying,
While I was DJ-ing
She got grace, pretty face, she ain’t going down to the bad place

I’m tired of heathen guys
Saying they like pocket size
As the average Christian I take a look
She gotta pack much book

So fellas? Yeah Fellas? Yeah Has your girlfriend got the book? oh Yeah
Well read it, (read it), read it, (read it) read that Holy Book
Baby Got Book

Baby Got Book
NIV with the ribbon bookmark


I like ‘em leather and bound
It’s 50 pounds
I just can’t understand
How it is some weenie wants Bible on CD
She want to get you saved- AMEN! Double up AMEN
I ain’t talking about a paraphrase
Cause Paul won’t use those any ways
I like ‘em real thick and red lettered
You can’t find nothing better
Southpaws in love
Bibles that big are unheard of
So I’m sitting here thinking what if?
I find me a girl that shows mid-drift
You can have those bimbos
I keep those chicks that do devos

A word to the Christian sisters
I can’t resist yah
I do God’s time with yah
But I gotta be straight when I say I want to pray
Till the break of day
Baby got it going on
Like the wife in Proverbs 31
We just might get engaged
When we finish reading this page
Cause it’s worn and it’s torn
And I know that girls reborn

So ladies? (Yeah) Ladies? (Yeah)
Do you want to save people from Hades? (Yeah)
Then read it till the pages fall out
Even white preachers gotta shout
Baby got book

Thompson Chain with the big red letters
Thompson Chain with the big red letters
Baby got book

YEAH baby
When it comes to a good book
Stephen King’s resume just can’t compare
39 plus 27 equals 66 books
And if you’re Catholic there’s even more
So your girlfriend’s quotes real high role
But does she got a big Bible
Cause that little thing she’s got won’t start a revival
My Bible study don’t want none unless you got book hon

You can read Clancy or Grisham but please don’t loose this book
Some brothers want to play that hard role
And tell you that books too old
So they toss it and they burn it
But I pull up quick to just learn it
So your girl likes paperback
Well I ain’t down with that
Cause my girlfriend’s hot and her Bible’s rockin’
And she’s got good doctrine
To the atheist chicks who try to diss
You ain’t it miss priss
Give me a Christian I’m insisting
And I’ll greet her with some holy kissin’

Some pervert try to chase
But he didn’t make it past first base
She’s quick to resist temptation
And she loves the new translation

So ladies who are lost and found
If you want the triple 6 thrown down
Dial 1-800- READS A LOT and teach me about those Psalms

NIV with the ribbon bookmark
Baby got book
Thompson Chain with the big red letters

Bible college knowledge but she still got book (4 x)