My random ramble for today regards a long term problem that this great Australian Country has. As a nation we claim anyone who is willing to call Australia home (and some that aren’t) as long as they are successful. I plan to lead a campaign to stop this embarrassing and unnecessary stupidity!

Example 1: Russell Crowe is NOT AUSTRALIAN


People like to think Russell is Australian, Russell likes to think Russell is Australian, but the fact remains Russell is a ‘sweet as’ New Zealand bro!
I heard an interview with Russell and some NZ radio DJs and they were quizzing him on which country he most identified with. Through the interview Russell preached his Aussie-ness, but the last question cracked him which was, “Who do you support the Wallabies or The All Blacks?” Of course Russell said The All Blacks, and no man who supports the All Blacks can be an Australian! I rest my case.

This is one of the funniest things I have seen for ages!

Baby Got Book!

Lyrics

I like big Bibles and I can not lie
You Christian brothers can’t deny
That when a girl walks in with KJV
And a bookmark in Proverbs
You get stoked
Got her name engraved
So you know this girl is saved
It looks like one of those large ones
With plenty of space in the margins.
Oh baby I wanna read with ya
Cause your Bible’s got pictures
My minister tried to console me
But that book you got
Makes me so HOLY
Oh mama-mia you say you want koinonia
Well bless me, bless me and
Teach me about John Wessley

I saw her praying,
While I was DJ-ing
She got grace, pretty face, she ain’t going down to the bad place

I’m tired of heathen guys
Saying they like pocket size
As the average Christian I take a look
She gotta pack much book

So fellas? Yeah Fellas? Yeah Has your girlfriend got the book? oh Yeah
Well read it, (read it), read it, (read it) read that Holy Book
Baby Got Book

Baby Got Book
NIV with the ribbon bookmark


I like ‘em leather and bound
It’s 50 pounds
I just can’t understand
How it is some weenie wants Bible on CD
She want to get you saved- AMEN! Double up AMEN
I ain’t talking about a paraphrase
Cause Paul won’t use those any ways
I like ‘em real thick and red lettered
You can’t find nothing better
Southpaws in love
Bibles that big are unheard of
So I’m sitting here thinking what if?
I find me a girl that shows mid-drift
You can have those bimbos
I keep those chicks that do devos

A word to the Christian sisters
I can’t resist yah
I do God’s time with yah
But I gotta be straight when I say I want to pray
Till the break of day
Baby got it going on
Like the wife in Proverbs 31
We just might get engaged
When we finish reading this page
Cause it’s worn and it’s torn
And I know that girls reborn

So ladies? (Yeah) Ladies? (Yeah)
Do you want to save people from Hades? (Yeah)
Then read it till the pages fall out
Even white preachers gotta shout
Baby got book

Thompson Chain with the big red letters
Thompson Chain with the big red letters
Baby got book

YEAH baby
When it comes to a good book
Stephen King’s resume just can’t compare
39 plus 27 equals 66 books
And if you’re Catholic there’s even more
So your girlfriend’s quotes real high role
But does she got a big Bible
Cause that little thing she’s got won’t start a revival
My Bible study don’t want none unless you got book hon

You can read Clancy or Grisham but please don’t loose this book
Some brothers want to play that hard role
And tell you that books too old
So they toss it and they burn it
But I pull up quick to just learn it
So your girl likes paperback
Well I ain’t down with that
Cause my girlfriend’s hot and her Bible’s rockin’
And she’s got good doctrine
To the atheist chicks who try to diss
You ain’t it miss priss
Give me a Christian I’m insisting
And I’ll greet her with some holy kissin’

Some pervert try to chase
But he didn’t make it past first base
She’s quick to resist temptation
And she loves the new translation

So ladies who are lost and found
If you want the triple 6 thrown down
Dial 1-800- READS A LOT and teach me about those Psalms

NIV with the ribbon bookmark
Baby got book
Thompson Chain with the big red letters

Bible college knowledge but she still got book (4 x)

Before work today I decided to stop by my local supermarket to purchase some tasty beverages and snacks. I entered the supermarket and walked down aisle 5 to choose a bottle a soft drink. I am a big fan of Pepsi max, so there wasn’t really much of a choice to be made other than between the 1.25L bottle and the 2L bottle. As the 1.25L bottle was on special I took one from the shelf before realising that the 2L bottle had a $250,000 promotion going on. While I stood there contemplating my chances of the winning $250K (which would have been a good 15 seconds as I had begun deciding what to spend it on) I noticed a 1.25 L bottle begin to topple from the edge of the shelf. Now at this stage I have to stress that it was at least 15 seconds after I removed a bottle AND it was not the bottle next to the one I took.

I must also point out that the bottle fell from the second lowest shelf which is less than a metre off the ground. The bottle rotated as it fell so that the lid was pointing towards the shelf it had fallen from. Upon reaching the ground the cap shot off like a rat down a drain pipe heading off in the direction of aisle 4 and the bottle torpedoed along the ground in the direction of aisle 6 leaving a trail on Pepsi max behind it.

So there I am standing in the middle of aisle 5 about a metre away from a river of pepsi max dividing the aisle with no bottle or lid in sight wondering how this happened to me. I can only assume the bottle decided to commit suicide, or a mini earthquake must have occurred or someone bumped the shelf from the other side as the bottle fell so long after I had taken my bottle. Whatever happened lets just agree it wasn’t my fault.

I looked down the aisle towards the registers to see a middle aged women with a mullet rolling her eyes at me with a look that said “You %$#@&*”. I contemplated telling her the bottle clearly jumped but decided against it, besides she was serving other people and they hadn’t noticed and I wasn’t about to draw it to their attention. She continued to glance at me like I’m an idiot. I was about to inform her that at least I’m not a middle aged, mullet headed, check-out chick, when I remembered that middle aged, mullet headed women usually have middle aged, mullet wearing, red neck boyfriends who own shotguns.

I walked around to aisle 6 to try and retrieve the bottle only to find that the river of pepsi max continued across that aisle as well. I walked across to aisle 7 and looked down it; the trail had stopped but still no sight of the bottle. Maybe the bottle had already emptied itself across aisle 6-7? Quite possible by the amount of pepsi max on the floor.
At this stage I decided that no happy ending was possible for anyone and informed one of the other staff that an accident had occurred. Our conversation went like this.

Me: Excuse me, there has been a bit of a spill in aisle 5
Her: Aisle 5, ok thanks.
Me: *nodding* Yes… well… and aisle 6
Her: Ok… aisle 6 as well (she is looking worried now)
Me: well it’s hard to tell, there could quite possibly be some spillage either side of that.
Her: (She’s just looking at me blankly now)
Me: Might be a good idea to check under the shelves as well.

I quickly went to a cash register (not the one with angry mullet lady) and paid for my things and left.

Addiction

I have an addiction. I'm not proud of it, but I just can't stop. It first started when I was quite young. A family member introduced me to it and I have never been able to shake it since. The smell, the taste, the feeling it gives me, it has become a part of me. At times I have wanted to get away from it all but without success. Besides there is always that voice from within that encourages me, tells me to never stop. All it takes is one look and I can't turn away. Sometimes I have even given in to my desires at work. So far I have been able to keep it a secret but who knows when I will be discovered. There is always the fear of being found out, the constant looking over my shoulder wondering who is becoming suspicious. The shame if my colleagues, family and friends found out would be too much to withstand. My blog is the only place that I can openly say.... that... I collect stamps.

I saw another amusing fan sign from a member of the crowd from the 3rd Test between India and Australia at Nagpur. This one read...

"If you can read this I am on TV"